By Nik Korba
Negotiations are a normal part of life. We engage in them in the workplace when we push for a pay increase, in the marketplace when we haggle over the cost of a new car, and in our personal lives as we parent our children and teach them how to compromise.
Yet, for all the time we spend in negotiations, few people pursue any training to help them build and master negotiation skills. Consequently, many see negotiating as a stressful and unsavory exercise that often results in outcomes they regret.
“The real world of negotiation is pressure-filled,” says Jim Camp, Jr., author of “Lead From No” and co-owner of Camp Negotiations. “You observe and experience the best, the worst, and everything in between with the ‘What’s In It For Me?’ mindset brings to the exercise. Some make threats and demands. Others flatter you and behave cordially. Some may even be very respectful. But make no mistake; they are all in it to get what they want.”
Camp is a retired Major General in the United States Air Force. During his military career, he negotiated the largest pay increase in history for thousands of Air National Guard Instructor Pilots. His book “Lead From No” is a manual for staying calm and reaching agreements, even in the heaviest of situations.
“If negotiation is a learned human performance event, you must master it, just like all learned human performance events are mastered,” Camp believes. “The repeated, perfect practice of a valid ‘system’ builds mastery. You have to discover your mistakes and correct them.”
Developing a System for Negotiations
Negotiations involve many unknowns, which makes them extremely difficult to navigate. Developing a negotiation system eliminates some of the unknowns by defining in advance the steps you will take as you move through the process. A system prepares you to handle the common elements that can appear as negotiations play out.
“A system must help its users see, identify, and resolve all the problems encountered during a particular human performance event,” Camp explains. “Otherwise, there’s no difference between a system and a collection of tactics, tricks, and theoretical knowledge.”
One key component of a solid negotiation system is what Camp calls a negotiation purpose. Essentially, the negotiation purpose identifies the problem prompting the negotiation so that those involved can focus on finding a solution.
Think about a teenager and a parent negotiating over an appropriate curfew time. While the negotiation will ultimately strive to arrive at a time that works for both parties, the time may not be the real problem that concerns them. For the parent, the real issue may be safety. For the teen, it might be independence. When participants have systems for getting to the real problems, negotiations can become more effective.
A system also helps prevent negotiators from getting derailed if exchanges become emotional. When an opponent goes on the attack, a system can help them stay focused on the real issues and avoid an impulsive counterattack.
“Negotiators must know what to do when they encounter problems,” Camp says. “They could face power plays, bullying, manipulation, lying, demands, threats, feigned respect, ultimatums, baggage from past unfavorable interactions, bitter conflict, and much more. A system helps them to see what is happening now, what must happen next, and how to make it happen, regardless of twists, turns, and bumps.”
Seeing ‘NO’ as a Part of the Negotiating Process
Many see negotiation as a process that moves people from an impasse to a “win-win” situation. They want both sides to be open to compromise and reach an agreement, so they strive to keep those involved from saying “no,” regardless of how uncomfortable they may be with what is asked of them. However, a fear of “no” can actually hurt a negotiation.
“A ‘no’ given by either party during a negotiation is simply a decision to maintain the status quo, which is a decision that can still be changed,” Camp says. “Honoring your opponent’s right to say ‘no’ rather than pressuring them to say ‘yes’ lowers the emotional pressure common in negotiations, demonstrates your respect for their decisions, and reduces the appearance of your ‘need’ for a deal to be reached.”
As Camp explains, experienced negotiators don’t fear “no” because rather than seeing it as the end of the negotiations, they see it as a sign revealing the real problem that needs to be solved. When one party says “no” in response to an offer, it unlocks the real issue that must be addressed.
Camp’s approach to negotiation defines the practice as the effort to create agreements between two or more parties, with all sides having the right to veto. He sees the right to veto — to say “no” to an offer — as an essential part of effective negotiations.
Mastering negotiation skills can have a huge impact on our lives, giving us the tools we need to resolve conflicts better, build relationships, and ensure our efforts are properly rewarded. By embracing a system that identifies the real issues at play and appreciates the power of “no,” we can see our understanding increase, our focus improve, and our negotiations succeed.
Published by Mark V.
