By: Logan Hughes

On a recent episode of B-S Your Way Through Life, hosted by Buffy Steen-Larsen, communication educators Robin Temple and Michael Moore explored the habits that can undermine meaningful dialogue—and the simple practices that may help rewire it.

Drawing on over 70 years of combined experience, Temple and Moore have supported thousands of individuals in shifting from reaction to reflection through their work in emotional literacy and communication training. But as Moore candidly joked, “Everyone says relationships are hard work. Actually, I’m the one who’s hard work—and communication is where I get to sort that out.”

Create the Right Conditions for Communication

Temple and Moore emphasize that meaningful breakthroughs often come from structure, not spontaneity. One of their foundational tools is a daily habit of appreciation, which they now adapt beyond personal life.

“Take a few minutes to express something specific you’re grateful for—someone’s contribution, effort, or support,” Temple explained. “It can help build up that reservoir of goodwill.”

Moore added: “It’s like emotional exercise. You might benefit from a specific time of day, or it can easily fall by the wayside.”

The Tone Of Voice Matters More Than The Words

Moore highlighted how subtle cues—especially tone—can significantly influence how a message is received. “You can say something perfectly reasonable,” he said, “but if your tone sounds like blame or condescension, you’ll likely lose the listener before you even get started.”

He shared an example from early in their training sessions. “Robin can say things really accurately, but if she’s using a ‘bad dog’ tone of voice, I’m just like, bummer. But when she uses her ‘good dog’ tone of voice with me, I’m like, What do you need? What do you want? I’ll do it.”

Conflict Isn’t Always a Red Flag

Temple noted that many people misread disagreement as dysfunction. “The idea that conflict means something’s wrong—that’s not necessarily true,” she said. “This is where we often work through long-standing communication patterns.”

Rather than shutting down or escalating, they teach clients to use structured practices like the “Empathy Spiral”—a communication model that can help participants move through assumption, reaction, and emotional honesty in manageable steps. “It breaks the conversation down into something people might find easier to handle,” Moore explained. “And that often creates enough safety for someone to stay in the room.”

The Biggest Myth: Good Intentions Are Enough

People sometimes think caring is enough. Temple said, “But even with good intent, we can unintentionally say things in ways that alienate or hurt others.”

In their workshops, Temple and Moore explain communication tools and demonstrate them in action. One of the most effective tools is the “forward-focused request”: a way of asking for what you need without blame or backward-looking criticism.

Instead of saying, “I’ve told you a million times to clean up after using the kitchen,”—a tone that can sound critical or backward-looking—Moore recommends a forward-focused approach: “It really helps me stay organized if the pans are cleaned and put away. Would you be open to doing that when you’re done?” The difference isn’t just tone—it’s about shifting from blame to clarity.

A New Way to Relate—In Work, Life, and Community

Moore and Temple suggest that emotional intelligence is trainable and that communication can develop into a reliable skill, not just a personality trait. “Many people are capable of extraordinary listening—if the conditions are right,” Moore said.

Their mission is to give people the tools to create those conditions in families, teams, classrooms, or communities. As Temple put it, “It’s valuable to use our intention. And the more we speak to that, the more we’ll likely see.”