Like many kids, Nico didn’t see his father much when he was a kid. His Dad was always on the road. When his parents got divorced… he saw him even less. 

In fact, he can count on one hand how many times he saw his father prior to his death. Growing up Nico was raised by a single mother and although she did her best, she eventually gave up.

The truth is… a woman cannot teach a boy how to become a man, only a good man can. 

Eventually Nico’s mother found a great man, and to his credit one of the best men Nico’s ever met.

The issue was that it was too late: at this point in time Nico wasn’t listening anymore. 

You hear this kind of story over and over in the world today. Young men will always look for a man to emulate, it’s instinctual. If they don’t have one in their lives, they will start looking for one. But how is a boy supposed to know what a good man is? 

It wasn’t until he was 20 that he decided to change his ways. Prior he had spent more than 6 years looking for a father figure in all of the wrong places.

It took his upbringing to bring him to a place of power. He went back to school, went to college, started going to the gym and discovered martial arts. 

Now he’s been on T.v., and on podcasts with hundreds of millions of views speaking about these topics. 

His mission is to bring men back to how it was always meant to be. So we interviewed Nico Lagan and he gave us valuable insight we’ll be sharing with you today.

By nature, men are purpose driven. They need a reason to live, something to do, to chase after and to become. Boys are no different but unlike their adult counterparts, they lack the life experience and wisdom to know what their purpose should be. Thus, the importance of having mature men showing them how to become a good man. 

So start by asking yourself: what’s a good man?

Chances are you thought of qualities like honesty, integrity, honor, compassion, being reliable, selfless, respectful, responsible, takes ownership, has strong values, leads by example, takes care of himself, helps others, is there for his family and loved ones. 

These are all great traits that a good man indeed possesses, but do all men possess these traits or are they developed and acquired over time? A good man is not born: he is made. Being a good person doesn’t make you a good man. One becomes a good man through trials and tribulations.

How does a man acquire these attributes? 

Since the dawn of time, boys had to prove themselves to be considered a man. They needed to show their family, their loved ones and their community that they were ready to take on the responsibilities of becoming a man. 

Tribes, civilizations and societies and cultures had specific moments where boys were given the opportunity to prove their valor. There were defined moments where boys became men: fatherhood, going to war and rites of passage are some of these events that marked the transition from childhood to manhood. Different cultures had different methods, but the goal was always the same: to become a man, boys needed to prove their worth. Those who succeeded were celebrated and from this day forward, were considered men.  

Spartans boys had to go through the Agoge, the boys from the Maasai tribe had to face lions in the African savanna and Australian aboriginals would send boys between the ages of 10 and 16 to go live in the wilderness, up to a 6 months period, alone. 

In the past, boys were surrounded by good men. Men ready to teach them what it took to become a good man through established methods. Unfortunately, these rites of passage have all but disappeared from the western world. Today, boys are not taught responsibilities and discipline. They aren’t provided with the tools required to face the real world. Most boys and young men lack the strong male figures they crave to show them the way. 

Nico’s 5 Virtues of a Good Man

When I was interviewing Nico, he mentioned how he sees the look of confusion in the eyes of boys and men alike. Just like he was, they are lost. This is why he created the 5 virtues of a good man. He wants to help them get back on the path to manliness. 

Since good men are made, they need a guideline to teach them how to become one. There are 5 basic virtues all good men must possess.

#1 Be a Protector

#2 Become a Provider

#3 Have Courage

#4 Acquire Temperance

#5 Have Faith

Virtue #1: Being a Protector

“I’d rather be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.” Chinese proverb.

A good man is selfless, he must be ready to lay down his life to protect his family and loved ones. Dying is not enough, a good man will go out swinging, not on his knees like a coward. 

Virtue #2: Being a Provider

A good man provides, pampers and emotionally supports his family. He doesn’t complain about the work, he does the work.

The second virtue of a good man is to be the provider his family needs him to be. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. In today’s world, it means having the ability to make money and to be emotionally available to your loved ones.  

A man is a woman’s rock, while a woman is a man’s weakness.

Virtue #3: Being Courageous

“Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” Mark Twain 

You need balls to go after what you want, but this doesn’t mean you have to be fearless. Fearlessness is a psychological problem. It’s normal to have fears. In a life and death situation, being scared can be a great advantage. Using fear as a survival mechanism and learning to control it is vital. It will give you superhuman strength and speed. Facing your fears is the only way to gain power over them. You will always have fears but learning how to control them is what makes you a good man.

Virtue #4: Temperance

“Self-mastery is the challenge of transforming yourself from your own worst enemy into your greatest ally.” Wes Fesler

Temperance is self-mastery. It’s about learning to control the things you have control over. Accept the things you don’t and learn to let them go. You don’t control much, but what you control is powerful beyond measure. Often, the hardest thing to do is to do nothing. 

Virtue #5: Faith

“Faith moves mountains, doubts create them.” Unknown

Faith is what ties everything together. This is where magic happens. It makes everything possible. 

Most think of faith as a religious term, but it doesn’t need to be. 

Nico’s attended church, read the bible, read Buddhist scriptures and his fair share of Gnostic and Stoic philosophies. In every spiritual text he’s read, faith is always a common trend. Faith is indispensable, making it one of the cornerstones of being a good man. 

There are 3 types of faith: faith in yourself, faith in others and faith in something bigger than all of us. 

As Bruce Lee said, don’t pray for an easy life, ask for the strength to endure a difficult one.

Becoming a good man is all about embracing your manliness, taking responsibility, learning to control your urges and channel them in a constructive way that will help your family, your loved ones and your community.