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If you have a loved one involved in the military, you are likely aware of post-traumatic stress (PTS). PTS is often associated with combat, but it’s not only limited to soldiers who have seen active duty — anyone who has experienced trauma could develop PTS. Children who have been abused or neglected, survivors of natural disasters such as earthquakes or hurricanes, and victims of car accidents or other violent crimes can all experience PTS.
PTS is often referred to as a “family disease” because it impacts everyone close to those suffering from it, including their children and spouses. Those dealing with PTS often feel guilty about their own behavior or how they respond to others. The entire family may withdraw from friends or activities that were once enjoyable because they’re focused on dealing with the symptoms of PTS.
When dealing with PTS, the best thing family members can do is learn as much as possible to help their loved one find ways to work through it. First, learn all you can about PTS, including what the symptoms are, how to recognize them, and how they might be treated.
Next, talk openly with your loved one about what they are experiencing. Ask questions that show interest in learning more about their struggles, but don’t push for answers if they don’t want to share right away — this may take time. Be supportive by offering encouragement and a listening ear. When families are present without judgment, it gives strength when needed most.
The symptoms of PTS
PTS involves symptoms that can be difficult to manage. You may notice your loved one struggling with:
- Depression and anxiety
- Mood swings
- Difficulty concentrating
- Feelings of isolation or loneliness
- Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
PTS symptoms can also include emotional numbness or anhedonia. This occurs when people feel detached from their feelings, as if they’re watching their life from the outside rather than living it. They may be unable to enjoy activities that were once pleasurable or meaningful to them because they don’t feel the same way about them.
Another common symptom of PTS is hyperarousal. When people experience trauma, their bodies go into fight-or-flight mode — they’re constantly on high alert even when no danger is present. This state of hypervigilance can lead to difficulty falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, trouble concentrating, irritability, jumpiness, and jitters with no apparent cause.
Understanding how post-traumatic stress impacts the entire family is the first step in helping your loved one cope with and heal from the damage of PTS, but this can be especially difficult if you don’t know what to look for. The signs are usually subtle and might not seem like anything out of the ordinary at first — maybe they seem tired all the time, their mood changes frequently, or perhaps they forget things more often than usual. Once you start noticing these things happening more often than normal, it’s time to take action.
Post-traumatic stress makes it difficult for veterans to problem-solve in family relationships
Post-traumatic stress can thwart problem-solving during routine tasks. For example, when veterans are overwhelmed with emotions, they may feel inclined to avoid conflict rather than confront their spouses or children. If this avoidance continues over time, it’s likely to cause resentment between partners or parents and children.
When veterans do address problems head-on with their loved ones, they may struggle to communicate effectively without becoming emotional. However, the end result here is often conflict, since both parties feel misunderstood and frustrated with their attempts to solve common issues such as finances or parenting differences.
Post-traumatic stress affects communication
Veterans may experience changes in their communication style — becoming more withdrawn, negative, or aggressive — after coming home from combat. You may notice that your loved one has a new way of speaking with you that feels different than before they left for deployment.
Your loved one may be reluctant to talk about combat experiences or ask for help, which often leaves people feeling helpless and alone. Issues that often accompany PTS and complicated communication include substance abuse, excessive risk-taking behavior, and increased conflicts.
Despite the difficulties, family members can provide the strongest support system as a loved one works through treatment options. Because family members are often the first to notice signs of a loved one’s trauma, they can offer comfort and help when things get tough by remembering their love for one another.
How families of veterans can approach the discussion about post-traumatic stress
Family members can play an important role in helping veterans heal from the damage of post-traumatic stress with open and loving conversation. Although it isn’t always easy to have, conversations like these can help a family determine what a loved one is going through and where to go next.
Many veterans deal with shame and guilt when they come home from combat zones. Some struggle with the loss of their identity as soldiers, and others may have difficulty dealing with life changes since returning home. These feelings complicate communication between family members with different perspectives.
When you’re ready to have the discussion, be prepared for your loved one to be defensive. It’s common for veterans with PTS to feel angry or sad when asked how they’re feeling. This can make the conversation difficult and uncomfortable, but it’s important not to let these emotions derail the discussion.
If possible, try opening the conversation by asking questions like “How has your day been?” or “Is there anything I can do for you today?” This will put everyone at ease before diving into topics like mental health issues and treatment plans.
When a family member is on the other side of the world fighting in combat, it’s hard to know what they’re going through. Unfortunately, that can remain true when they return home with PTS, especially if they are experiencing vivid flashbacks or nightmares. You may be caught off guard by a person who seems different from the one who left for combat, and you may feel powerless to help.
Although there’s no easy solution, it helps to understand how PTS affects your family so you can work together toward healing. Educate yourself on the symptoms to watch for, and then be there for your loved one as they work through their trauma.
